Dear non-parent friends...

August 11, 2015

So I'm very fortunate to be blessed with friends who love my children. However... occasionally events occur which make me think to myself "when they have kids, they will understand".
Now I don't mean that in a smug or patronising way, not at all, just in terms of the life changes which you can only really truly appreciate when you yourself are a parent.
So this is my list. My top 6 things which I need any of my friends without children to understand...

1) I can't do last minute.
Any time away from my children needs to be planned. They are 4 and 5. I cannot just pick up and go out with a few hours notice. For me to go out means I need to make sure we're not doing any family related activities that day, that my hubby is going to be in/able to leave work in time, or there is a grandparent available to step in. It is all very strategised. If we are making plans and they keep changing then please know that chances are I'm gonna end up having to pull out.

2) I much prefer text/whatsapp to phone calls.
This is just a matter of efficiency. I very rarely have an hour to just sit on the phone. Dinner needs to be cooked and bums need to be wiped (sorry), so to have an hour uninterrupted on the phone will mean that I am leaving my children to their own devices for an hour. Do you value my life? Do you want them to burn my house down? No? Then please just message me. That way I can get back to you with a message and all is good. To be honest, I'm not much of a phone person in general. I much prefer to catch up in person, over a coffee or a glass of wine. Being on the phone for hours has just never appealed to me. Every so often, those phone calls can be nice but I can't be on the phone every day.

3) If you rarely show any interest in my children, we are only ever going to be acquaintances.
Like I said at the start, I am blessed with friends who love my children. The more you love them, the more I love you. However I have had friendships which have fizzled out over the years because of this very point. My children are a huuuuge part of my life. If you never ask after them and attempt to have a relationship with me while rarely acknowledging their existence, then it's just not going to work out.

4) Don't tell me how glad you are you don't have kids.
Like ever. You may as well follow this up with, "because your life looks like hell".

5) Stop calling me a yummy mummy.
I don't even really mind this phrase too much, it's more so when you've gotten dressed up to go out and the first thing your friend says on seeing you is, "yummy mummy!"
Translation: you look really good, considering you're a mum.
Just tell me I look nice. Before I was a mum, I was me. I'm still me. My life has changed but I'm still Ekaete. I get that your heart is in the right place, but calling me a yummy mummy at every opportunity can come off as patronising. Tell me I'm looking spicy!

6) I still love you.
Yes, I am terrible at picking up the phone, I can't make every event and I'm not as emotionally available as I once was. But I still love and value you. I just have two little people who need me a bit more right now.

Love always,

Ekaete xx

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  1. Cute picture!
    Mademoiselle Coconath

  2. My favourite yummy-mummy 😉

    I'm still shocked by number 4. I'd probably be more shocked by my response if anyone said anything along those lines to me! #Pottymouth

    P.S loving the picture xx

    1. I told you... spicy... not yummy mummy!!

      I think we are both undercover potty mouths! xx


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